im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
