Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
