I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize