just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
