420 ftw
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
