if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
birth control should be required to get into college
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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