Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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