Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
