And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
