As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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