I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
