Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
