my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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