I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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