my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
