I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
