if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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