apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
