yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
