Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
