This is not my ceiling
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
