I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
