If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize