whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
