onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
