Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
