Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
