I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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