i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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