So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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