the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
