you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
