he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
