life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
