My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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