sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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