I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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