Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
