plz talk dirty to me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
