im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
