No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
