No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
