well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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