Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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