well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
