Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
