Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize