there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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