I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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