remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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