Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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