i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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