my phone needs a breathalizer
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
