I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's rum buckets o'clock
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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