She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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