too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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