My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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