she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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