he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
