I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
