the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
