If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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