I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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