I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
