Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
