What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
