dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
