as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
