what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
