why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
