I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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