We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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