You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
