You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
