i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
