i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we're making bets on your personal life
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
