i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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